Doorbell rings.

Son #2: Who was that?

Mom: The mailman.

Son #2: What does a mailman do?

Mom: He brings the mail.

Off in the distance…

Dad: What does a fireman bring?!?

What have we learned in 2 millennia?

The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.
Cicero – 55 BC

Evidently nothing.

I think I’ll go subscribe to some random mailing-lists.

• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

My dad sent this to me, by the way.

I had this exact feeling today watching some dude pulling cars into the park across the street and snapping photos from several angles. Obviously, he’s taking pictures in order to sell the cars, either online or in print. Still, it’s somewhat un-nerving.

And then it dawns on me that my house is in some of these pictures. Great, now I’m totally paranoid.

If I show up dead any time soon, be on the lookout for a pony-tail wearing dude driving a bunch of different used cars.